It was your fault, you started the War!

To tell the truth, I never intended to write a historical novel because historical novels are really just for clever people who like Volvos, trips to the peak district and trousers that become shorts by unzipping them at the knees. I also never intended to invest years of my life researching a war because I'm a comedy writer and, let's face it, war isn’t actually very funny. However, and this is how all writers get into trouble, I learned some astonishing facts which convinced me that, not only was there a story to be had, but it could actually be very funny as well. 

10 Facts about The War of 1812

America declared war on The British Empire

Yes, that's right. You’ve got to admire the size of the yankee plumbs. America - a former British colony until only a few short decades before - decided she was tired of old Blighty tinkering with her trade ships and generally behaving like a jealous ex-boyfriend. President James Madison, or Jemmy to his friends, declared war hoping to demonstrate American resolve and establish an international identity. It was also America’s one chance to show Britain ‘the finger’. Pretty brave… but did it work?

America had no army

An astonishing fact but America declared war on Britain without actually having a regular army. Unlike other countries who enlisted full-time, regimented forces, America had always insisted that militia be the means to defend republican liberty.

America had no Bank to fund the war

Yes, you heard it right. The premier reason for even having a national bank is to pay for wars, however, America had become concerned the banking system was too heavily profiting its foreign owners - surely not I hear you cry! - So America allowed the bank licence to expire without renewal in 1811. Surely not a problem to declare war without a bank, right? Well, not unless you actually want to buy uniforms, supplies and… oh, yeah, weapons.

America scuppered its own flotilla

Oh, dear. With British warships having too much draft for the shallow waters of The Patuxent River, Admiral Cockburn was forced to head north on barges, without the protection of the navy: despite orders to the contrary. Surely a weakness that the Americans would exploit? Err, no. Without substantial protection, the British were uncharacteristically exposed, however, they sailed north attracting little attention until they chanced upon the forty strong American flotilla at a place called Pig Point. Rather then engaging the vulnerable British, the Americans scuppered their own craft.

America abandoned its Capital City

It doesn't get much better than this but yes, President Madison abandoned Washington to a relatively small British force. Sir George Cockburn, Rear Admiral of the British Fleet, arrived at the White House to find the president’s dinner still warm. He ate it, of course, which was the only decent thing to do under the circumstances.

The British burned Washington

Yes, you dead hear it right. The British torched the city, one civic building at a time. Most residents had fled to Salona across the river with whatever goods and chattels they could carry. The British, who had marched on the Capital to discuss terms, were fired upon under Parley and retaliated by burning every civic building to the ground. They torched The House of Representatives and the White House and everything else that would hold a flame. Beasts! Residential property was spared but only if the owners were not in possession of weapons. The blaze could be seen as far as Baltimore and the fire so intense on the streets it was like walking in daylight.

With their Capital aflame, the Americans must have prayed for rain, right? Well, they prayed too hard.

As if having a Capital ablaze wasn’t enough, the residents would have certainly pulled their best WTH faces at what followed. The great fire was extinguished by the worst storm in Washington’s history. Heavy rain and gale force winds took down buildings and tore off slates.
Ironically, the British had spared the patent office from burning due to the international value of it’s contents - jolly nice of them. The storm, however, was not so compassionate. It took the roof off and obliterated the precious document rooms.

The British were worried for the Slaves

With all those vulnerable slaves running about, the British were obviously concerned that they would hurt themselves. So they rounded them all up onto their comfy ships and took them off to the safety of the colonies - for their own protection [cough]. Despite the good old Brits outlawing slave trading, the slaves were bought from the Americans when the war ended.

The Star Spangled Banner is as American as... Well, actually an old British drinking song

The Francis Scott Key poem, Defence of Fort M’Henry, written during The War of 1812, later became known as The Star Spangled Banner and went on to be adopted as the American national anthem. The music everyone sings along to - The Anacreontic Song - was actually an old favourite of the British drinking clubs of Regency London.

Napoleon ruined America's plan 

Without doubt the foulest stroke of poor luck for the Americans occurred in April 1814 when Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated… ‘Hang On’, I hear you cry, ‘what’s the French got to do with this?’ Well,  actually, everything. You see, America had declared war with Britain in 1812 knowing she was stretched by the coalition’s battle with the French. When Napoleon abdicated in 1814, however, Britain suddenly found herself with a very bored army. So, to keep Wellington happy, Britain immediately dispatched his invincibles across the atlantic with orders to raise hell.

'William Peel is a brilliant character, an aristocratic buffoon– so wealthy he is beyond reproach, and lacking any self awareness, he makes for a superbly comic protagonist. This is a brilliant example of the historical comedy genre.'

Harper Collins

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'A conversation with William Peel is like being stabbed in the head with a blunt knife covered in goat excrement'

The Prince Regent, 1814

'It’s a failing of the common man that he mistakes arrogance for simply the behaviour of his betters'

William Peel, Lord of Tornbridge